going "micro" to clean up messes left behind

1) I go to bed almost every night at 2 am. I wake up at 11 and I feel disgusting. I am not taking sleep seriously. This seriously has to stop.

2) This just reminds me that I will most likely be sharing a room with someone at my aunt's place. It will either be my mom (who is needy) or grandmother (who snores rather loudly). Perhaps I should limit my time there...but how to do so tastefully, without hurting said aunt's feelings? :(

3) I am learning how to clean up messes left behind. Not trying to be philosophical here--my bedroom in my hometown was left a disaster from when I visited last summer. Now that I'm home for the holidays, diagnosis and confidence in hand, I'm in shock. SHOCK. I can't believe that I, as a human, could survive in that space for even a moment. There are CDs strewn all over the floor.  There's my cat's (clean) litter box from when I brought him over with me on the plane last summer. There's a scarf; countless plastic bags holding unknown contents; a dehumidifier; a broken heater; my window air conditioner; a broken handbag; a notebook, dirty clothing; my suitcases; a laundry basket; clothes to give away.

How the fuck am I going to deal with this??????? (Ridiculous punctuation irks me, but I think in this situation, it's warranted.)

Before my diagnosis, I quickly came to realize that the proclamation "I'm gonna clean my room now!" was is the biggest BS phrase ever. That never works. I knew I had to divvy the room up. So I got into the habit of sectioning up the room into "floor", "bed", "laundry", and "dresser tops". The converstaions in my head went something like this: "Okay--from 4-5, I will clean everything off the floor." This statement, along with countless others, also proved to be pretty futile. It would take days to get the place clean. Time would not stand still for me as I stood still, head slightly cocked to one side, staring into space with an object which I had no clue where to place in my mess of a bedroom. For a long, long time.

Today, as I basically stood on one foot (there was no room for the other given the state of the room) in the queasy realization that this HAD to be cleaned up, it finally hit me.

Bigger is not better.

Go micro. Make those steps even smaller.

What does it mean to go "micro", you ask? It means breaking your goals down to the smallest blocks possible. Survey the majority of crap all around you. What do you see? Divide them up into categories:

1) Paper
2) Plastics
3) Fabrics/Clothes
4) Etc

(Side note: I just got up to find my computer cable and I tripped on a pile of packaged gnocchi and nearly broke my face, with the chest of drawers breaking my fall. classy. and horribly scary. keep your room clean and don't let this happen to you, kids.)

Have a concrete destination for these things: let's take "paper", which I focused on today. Where does paper go depending on what's on it?

1) Recycling (clothing tags, receipts you don't need, etc)

2) The shredder (that mailed bank statement you keep getting in the mail that you *cough* haven't gotten around to cancel)

3) If soiled, the garbage (kleenex)

4) If important, in a box or according folder for bills and other important things (reciepts, bills, insurance documents, etc)

5) If an interesting article you happened to rip out of a magazine/printed out for someone, in a "box for interesting paper articles"

6) If a book, on the bookshelf

7) If a magazine, on/in a magazine rack (I would LOVE to get pretty much anything on this list) or wherever you like to place your magazines

8) If academic, in the according folder for later sorting (put a post-it stickie on the accordion folder so you don't forget)

9) What else can you think of?

Focus on the things that can be done immediately. Do you have a garbage in the room? A recycling bin? A shredder? Focus on what can be done right away, within arm's reach: this is so you don't get distracted with going in and out of rooms every other moment, and all the distractions that come along with this. Start with the things you KNOW can be disposed of in the same room. Once that's done, pick one thing that will require leaving the room for disposal. Set them aside, and then fixate your energy on bringing them to that room, doing whatever needs to be done (shredding, emptying into a recycling bin, etc), and commit yourself to coming back. Once that is accomplished, move on to the next thing that requires leaving the room.

PHEW.

Try that and let me know how it goes. I'll be reporting from here too.

Sam

6 things i wish i'd known about managing adhd

As I sit here exhausted, distracted, body stiff from months of neglecting to work out, nervous, on edge that I won't be able to cover all of my material in time, I'm realizing this blog is for these moments.

 It's meant to be an outlet to calm the anxiety that creeps up after you realize you have been staring into space for an hour petting your cat and you still have three tests in the next two days . Or whatever is is you have on your plate. 

Here are a few things I wish I'd known when I first got my diagnosis. Hopefully, they can help you work through some of your own struggles.

1) There's 5 important letters in "Learning to Manage Your Time":
 L-E-A-R-N. 

Learning. That thing we did when we were kids? That thing you're supposed to be doing when you sit in a classroom or listen to a lecture or acquire a new skills at works? It takes time. 

When I first got diagnosed, I used to visit those ADD forums, try to read up on ADHD tips, etc. Except that managing ADHD isn't a laundry list of "things" you can do. Knowing that you need to "do" certain things to change your life, isn't going to change your life. 

Just saying that you'll "study all day tomorrow" because you have a To Do List "filled out", is just about as effective as sitting in your living room willing with all your might to be turned into a unicorn.

Do not be deceived, friends. 

You need to learn the process of effective studying. This takes time to learn. 

The process of effectively doing other things that will make your life simpler to manage such as planning meals, laying out clothing and books the night before so the next morning is hassle-free as possible. This takes time to learn. 

 Do not beat yourself up if you are still struggling with time management and effective skills 2-3 months after your diagnosis. This takes time to learn. 

Repeat this to yourself when you get frustrated with how slow progress is going. Acknowledge that you are on the right track, and that you are doing the best you know how, right now. 

It may take you years to learn how to re-organize your life and see the fruits of doing so. That being said, don't make this an excuse for yourself. The other thing about learning (the thing that makes it, y'know, HAPPEN,) is that: 

2) Learning means repeating (ie, Practice). 

Was there a day you decided to beastmode it, which resulted in an awesome 2-3 weeks studying hard and you ended up doing really well on a test, paper, presentation? Reflect and take note of what you did.

How was this time round different? Did you try a new morning routine? Did you try a new place to work? How much did you exercise? How did you manage the times that didn't seem productive? How about the times you felt sad, frustrated, lonely, broken? How did you take advantage of those feelings, or turn those feelings around, or blow off steam to help you focus and retain the information you needed to? 

Tape this somewhere that you can see frequently: on your front door, your fridge door, next to your bed, your daily planner. 

Practice that and see if it works again for you. 

In no way am I saying that Practice makes Perfect. I hated it when teachers would hand back assignments with that nauseating, sing-songy "Practice makes Perfect!" I would Practice to no end, and rarely would Practice and Perfect come parading down doing the can-can together in a sparkly feather boa followed by a marching band wayyy too into the fact they're in a marching band (KWIM?? You've all seen 'em.) 

Practice makes habits, and habits make (good or bad) things happen. 

(Let's try to err on the side of good, people.)

3) Get yourself out of toxic situations that suck your energy and resolve, especially if guilt is involved. 

Not only are there a huge array of things that count as "toxic situations", this is so, so much harder to define and confront. Need someone to talk to about them? Please, open up to someone. Someone can be anyone from a counselor to a hotline operator to a trusted person in your life.  I'm always here to listen, too. 

You may be concerned that you are being selfish. You aren't. Your peace of mind and your personal opportunity to excel at whatever it is you want is worth so much more than you may have been allowing it to.

Some things that have helped me: 

-Turning my phone on airplane mode so I don't receive calls, but can still use the timer

-Not being chained to e-mail, and not keeping browsers open! Too much temptation, y'all.

-Seeing a counselor regularly

4) Just because you're on medication now, doesn't mean you still don't deserve breaks. 

Some opt to go on meds. Some don't. It's your choice. I was fairly anti-ADHD meds for a while, and back then, I used a timer to plan structured study-break/reward-study patterns. I stopped doing so once I began medication because focus improved. I was in awe. I felt strong and capable and all-holy. I shit you not. The feeling of "I CAN FOCUS NOW IN THE SAME SPOT FOR 4 HOURS WITHOUT GETTING UP. This is SACRED." leaves you feeling like you need to honour those synapsing cells now synapsing at lightning speed by letting them party and dance and whirl in and and out of the neuron's membrane like dervishes til you drop. 

Yeah...bad idea. They will screw you in the end. 

I am getting exhausted and I still get bored easily. I still get restless. I will be like "ugh. this again?" and I zone out. Is this happening to you?

I'm going start using a timer again to set concrete goals, and once the timer is done, take a break. Walk. Stretch. Get up. Move my study location. 

5) The dishes/your dirty laundry/dry cleaning/car cleaning/hair cut/ can wait until the week's over. 

Really. It can all wait. 

OR...

Have children, elderly members of the family, a health condition, so actually, some things are pressing?

Enlist help from friends, your partner, family, and your city's family assistance departments. Though I don't have children, I imagine that communication is key within the family, and the extended friends and family who are blessed to be acquainted with said family. :) d'awww. 

What is pressing that needs to be done every day, every other day, etc? How can other helps you manage your needs (time studying alone, rest, exercise)? 

6) Go to office hours for academic assistance. As often as you can. 

I always thought asking questions in office hours made you look like your secret of not being able to focus or concentrate properly would be suspected, and you'd be judged as lazy or incompetent. This couldn't be more false. This is the best resource available to make up for ADHD symptoms, because you are able to review and make up for points you didn't catch. 

Plus, asking questions in classes can be overwhelming. Heck, sitting in one surrounded by people who look like they'd rather be elsewhere is discouraging and overwhelming and for many, distracting, especially for those of us who are passionate about the topics covered in the courses. Also, not getting an enthusiastic or appropriate answer from an instructor in front of others can cause you to shut down emotionally. 

Take advantage of the time your instructors are around to give you one-on-one help. They may drop exam tips, clarify what they expect on assignments, give you more specific rubrics than they had time to cover in class, and help you focus where you need to improve on. 

But remember that your instructors are human, and that they come in every array of introvert and extrovert and kind and cold that exists on earth. Try to be as professional and kind towards them, as you expect them to be towards you.